new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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