They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
