Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
