my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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