You just made me feel so damn special
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
