careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The adults are the big ones right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
