Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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