Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
