I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
