That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
