didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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