Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
