Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
