and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
