Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
