obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
