I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
