I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
