I wanna bring you to show and tell
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
