A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
