we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
