i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We talked him into tasing himself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
