it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
