My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
