dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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