How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
