I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
