how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
