just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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