u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
