kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
