i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
