the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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