Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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