Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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