he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
