just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
