Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
