Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
