I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I faked an abortion last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
