I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
