I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
