Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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