Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
