Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
