im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
