Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
