you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
