Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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