apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
